Good Grief: An Introduction to Bereavement

Portrait of a sad little boy experiencing loss of a parent

 I remember my first week of college so vividly, because I was struck with the worst news of my life: my dad had overdosed. Yeah, not a good start to my college career. It was a devastating loss for me at the young age of 18 that negatively impacted my academics for the remainder of the school year. Sadly, this story isn't rare. According to the Child Bereavement Estimation Model, 1 in 13 children in the United States lose a parent or sibling by age 18. 

Grief has major negative effects on students' learning. The Coalition to Support Grieving Students identifies that losing a loved one can cause difficulty in concentration and increase distractibility. Furthermore, grief can limit one's ability to remember new concepts. The American Brain Foundation has determined that grief can adapt the brain's neuroplasticity, affecting its ability to make new connections and even altering existing ones. Chronic stress from the trauma of grief impairs memory in an attempt to focus on survival. 

Because of the magnitude to which grief affects the student population, educators must be trained on bereavement. One of the main ways to help grieving students is to offer your support. This means offering safe spaces for students to share their thoughts and feelings either in group or private settings. Making short one-on-one check-ins with a student can help them cope and feel safe within your classroom. It is also important to connect grieving students to resources such as the counselor's office and other local supportive services to give students access to professional expertise on grief and mental health. You can also show your support by attending the funeral or advocating for the student's friends to attend if appropriate. 

Most importantly during this hard time, it is necessary to make accommodations for grieving students. Offering extra time to complete assignments can aid in students navigating their mental health and attending the numerous services and events that often occur after the death of a loved one. It might also be practical to allow grieving students to work with others on assignments in order to give them extra scaffolding and assistance. 

Teacher offers one-on-one help to student at desk

Another important consideration educators should factor into their instruction is the multiple grief triggers that can arise for some students. Grief triggers can be defined as distressing emotions someone may feel from unexpected situations or comments that remind them of the person who passed. These often occur at the mention of holidays, such as Mother's Day or Father's Day. It is best practice for teachers to offer alternatives for assignments that a teacher may typically correlate with these dates. For instance, if an elementary classroom is making Mother's Day cards, it is best to tell students to make cards for any guardian or female role model they appreciate rather than specifically identify that the cards should be addressed to mothers. It is also crucial to offer the aforementioned access to safe spaces during moments that may trigger grieving students. This could look like allowing a student to visit the nurse or the counselor anytime the student indicates distress. 

The survey conducted by the American Federation of Teachers and the New York Life Foundation, 92% indicated that grief is a serious problem that deserves more attention in schools, with the biggest barrier being insufficient training. Let's be the difference that seeks further professional development to better support and understand the grieving student demographic. One teacher who can connect a student to mental health services or simply differentiates their classroom to address the needs of the grieving student could be one of the most critical moments within a child's education.